So tonight was date #3 for me and the man whom I fondly refer to as my “back alley way lover” (BAWL for short). Why such a name? Because we made out in the alley way behind a bar the first night we met. That’s right, ladies. I keep it classy.
Now, BAWL has a bit of a track record to come back from. The first date went exceptionally well, but was followed by an underwhelming sequel. I noticed he has a lot of very unattractive qualities, such as: letting me pay on the second date even though he drives a Porsche, not walking me to my car, and a general aversion to opening up or discussing anything meaningful.
So why did I give BAWL another chance? Let’s be real- it’s because he is extremely good-looking. If I had a penis, it would lead my decisions right now, but there isn’t really an equivalent expression for women so that just sounds awkward. In any case, tonight was make or break.
I promised myself I would tell BAWL the big “I was married two months ago” thing to see how he reacted, almost as a test. Unfortunately, there was no good time to put it in there. I ended up blurting it out very awkwardly, after which he nearly chugged the rest of the wine. Then, surprisingly, he told me it was no big deal at all. He truly acted like it wasn’t the rest of the night, which actually made me feel weirder. The date ended with some nice kisses, but I don’t think I will be going out with him again.
Disheartened, I did what any rational girl would do right after a disappointing date: bought two pairs of shoes. Straight after that, I came home to a house of unappealing Thanksgiving leftovers and a craving for something sweet.
In these trying times of depression and divorce, my cabinets have never been more barren. The caramel, the cookies, the ice cream sandwiches- all gone. In the midst of this, I pressed on. Three ingredients stood out as clear front runners for my snack attack:
Here is the approximate recipe I used to make this. It is simple, quick, and will cure most dating blues when supplemented by $140 worth of shoes. Now if you’ll excuse me, I am ready for my alone time with these little clusters of goodness and my couch. This is one date that won’t let me down.
Boy-blues-curing Chocopeanutpretzel Clusters
1 c. pretzel, broken into pieces
¼ c. peanut butter
⅓ c. melted chocolate
¼ c. chopped almonds
Powdered sugar to taste
Mix together pretzels, PB, chocolate, and almonds. Put mixture into plastic bag and add powdered sugar, a handful at a time, closing and shaking the bag with each addition. Stop when pieces are sugar-coated and delicious. Eat in abundance.