Lately, my retail therapy sessions have helped me escape anger, depression, sadness, boredom and all of those other piece of shit emotions that my ex husband causes me. This weekend’s shopping extravaganza, however, brought the life back into it. This was a celebratory clothing binge marking a huge milestone in my life: my first one-night stand.
Gasp! Taboo, I know. What a little slut I am! I completely astonished myself. What’s even crazier is my reaction. If you had asked me a few days ago, I would have thought this would be an embarrassing, shameful occurrence. Much to the contrary, I feel great. The fact that my ex does not have the right to be my one and only anymore is liberating. Take that, you worthless dickhead. Also, the guy was really a sweetheart, which helps me feel like less of a ho. Slightly.
Special thanks and credit go to a wonderful wingwoman who I am currently visiting in NYC. Few ladies are bold enough to approach the guy their friend is making out with all night, ask if he wants to take her home, and secretly get into a cab. She did just that, and immediately followed with two texts: “Sorry I had to ditch you, but you have to go back with him. Have fun” and “PS I love you. Wear a condom.” Sage advice from a sneaky matchmaker.
To celebrate my ascent into “typical 21st century female” status (my magic number literally just doubled!), I went shopping with one of my best friends from college in the beautiful city of New York. I spent $685 at one store (Aritzia). I think I was in a little too good of a mood. If this is going to happen every time I get laid, it could be problematic.
Last night, I broke in one of my new pieces- a gorgeous, perfectly fitting long blazer. I paired it with this short dress from my fave online store (www.shopruche.com), chunky Jessica Simpson heels, and some patterned tights. It was perfection (Before I fell down while scurrying in the aforementioned chunky heels, thereby ripping the knee of the patterned tights – sad day). I can’t pull off a photo shoot from a tiny NYC apartment, so these images will have to suffice for a visual.