A last swift kick in the ass from 2011

In true 2011 fashion, the universe could not let me end this year without one final blow.

To fully understand last night, let’s start with a little back story on the boys in my life.

Bachelor #2: I stayed over at this guy’s place the first night we met. I really liked him and he said he was going to take me out on a date. Our schedules have not been able to coordinate since we met and every time he says “I’ll keep you posted” or “I’ll keep you in the loop,” he doesn’t. I decided yesterday that I was over it and I wasn’t going to waste my time on him due to terrible text message etiquette.

Back Alley Way Lover (BAWL): Drives a Porsche, has a great job, smart, and unbelievably good-looking. Unfortunately, he also has no manners. I have been letting him string me along for an unacceptable amount of time due to his dashing good looks and my shallow ways.

So last night, I went out to my favorite bar. About 5 minutes in, I run into bachelor #2 who taps me on the shoulder to say hi. I death stare him for a really long time before responding.

“You really hate me, don’t you?” he asks.

“I don’t know,” I replied.

Smooth. I continue to death stare as he attempts to make excuses for his terrible texting habits and lack of time to take me on a date. This goes on for an awkwardly long time. Eventually, I either remembered the reasons I liked him or got a little too tipsy and we started kissing. In the midst of this, I hear a “hey.” I soon recognize the face that it came from as none other than back alley way lover. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Obviously, I drop everything and flee to the bathroom. Hiding makes everything better. Bachelor #2 was very weirded out when I got back, but I told him I wanted to leave, so we left. Then, like the good girl that I am, I went back to his place.

This morning, I was feeling pretty guilty about the run-in with BAWL. I texted him to say sorry, and he responded in true d-bag fashion “I was fine. You were just a little busy.” I think I can safely say that things are now OVER with him.

I fully expect something equally horrifying to happen this evening. 2011 scares the shit out of me and I won’t put anything past it. Cross your fingers that I make it through tonight.

On a better note, here is an adorable video that I love. Enjoy!

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2 thoughts on “A last swift kick in the ass from 2011

  1. kateecurtis says:

    If it makes you feel any better – this sounds pretty much like my life too. A whole bunch of “oops-a-daisies” on top of a steaming pile of awkward. On the plus side – BAWL had a small penis anyway, so… well, good for him that he is really good looking and a Porsche. He has a lot to compensate for.

  2. […] at this point in my life to be a suitable mother. Besides, can you imagine what kind of a father the men I have been seeing lately would […]

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