You might assume that last night after I pre-emptively posted some Sunday Sunshine, I hit the town and came back with a lot of weird stories for you. Well, ladies and gents, you are so very correct.
The first part of the evening, the three girls I am staying with and I were too lazy to move. Clearly, we didn’t want to make the trek to a real restaurant, so we ordered mass quantities of Thai food. Then, we happily gorged ourselves on noodles while watching the swimsuit portion of Miss America.
I think I am finally starting to understand why I will never grace that stage. There goes my life’s ambition. All of those baton-twirling lessons for nothing.
After that, we made ourselves the proper amount of slutty and went to meet our guy friends. I made sure NOT to shave my legs as a safeguard against being a total whore.
My friends have the best of intentions and fully support my single slutiness, so they each brought along suitors primed to meet me. I don’t know if you have ever been in a situation in which various suitors are fighting for your attention, but it’s both flattering and super awkward.
My favorite one won out in the end and we danced for a while. Then, on the walk to find a cab, he thought it would be fun to pretend I was his girlfriend so I wouldn’t get harassed walking through a crowd of sketchy men.
He then proceeded to hold my hand and ask me to be his girlfriend.
I thought he was kidding, but then he started asking me about my relationship history. I suppose I could have run with that if I really wanted to…
“OH! Yeah, I was married. Like 6 months ago. I’m still on antidepressants! I cry a lot. It’s really good that you’re my boyfriend now because I can call you every time I’m sad!!! This is going to be swell!!”
Still uncertain how much of his proposition was sarcasm, alcohol, or true creepiness. Really don’t know what to think about it. Too much, too soon.
Needless to say, my unshaven legs and I went back to my own hotel room. I was not about to wake up next to a guy who would stare deeply into my eyes with love and adoration.
As an added bonus, this guy is apparently coming to one of my work parties tomorrow, where my San Fran crush will be hanging out. Can’t wait for that cozy evening.