Many of you have significant others, and you’re just giddy thinking about all of the awesome presents and sex you’re going to get tomorrow. Well good for you. We’re all very happy that you’re getting laid and we’re not. Please talk about it more.
However, for the most part, I do not envy you. Except maybe the sex, that does sounds pretty nice. But interestingly enough, I am not sad about being single. Not in the slightest. As many of you single blubbering fools have spent today wallowing in pools of chocolate and self-pity in anticipation of tomorrow, I have been dancing around my apartment like an idiot and belting out Whitney Houston’s greatest hits (too soon?).
So for all of you blubbering fools, hopeless romantics, or happy-go-lucky single gals, I have got a treat to match your mood. It’s the best kind of gift- the regift. That’s right, it’s my old posts. I don’t know why more of you people haven’t read them, because they are hilarious and awesome. Just like you. Now please wipe the chocolate off of your face and stop crying. Thanks. That was embarrassing for everyone.
So without further ado… the V-day guide for every mood!
If you are single and want to cheer up, read this.
If you have a hot date, do your hair like this. Unless you’re a boy. Then please don’t.
If you have a honey, make them these for breakfast. They are literally the best ever.
If you can’t decide whether you need alcohol or baked goods, go for both.
And finally… check out my valentine. Handsome, right? He’s even got the bedroom eyes going. I bet he’s a cuddler.