Men Who Suck: Do They Deserve a Second Chance?

In the six months since my annulment, I’ve gone through men like water. Or more accurately (based on my beverage consumption), like wine. Some love interests lasted only hours, while others’ facebook profile made my list of top ten most visited websites.  But so far, all of them have one common attribute: they kind of suck.

Yes, it’s true. Each suitor has come with his very own fuck-up that I chose to overlook.

Twenty minutes late for our date?
That’s okay, you tried really hard to get here on time. You even sent me a picture of your speedometer.

Let me pay for dinner?
Sure, that makes sense. This is the twenty-first century, after all. In fact, let me get that door for you while I’m at it.

Refuse to help me find my clothes because you’re too fucking tired?
Why not. It is pretty early.

The explanation for my behavior is simple: I love men, sex and attention. Coming out of a marriage where I was cheated on with upwards of twenty lucky ladies, I was in desperate need of the latter. I hang on to dead-end men until they turn me loose, simply because it’s difficult for me to let go for fear that I can’t do any better.

A lot of women feel this way. And guess what? It’s fucking ridiculous. If you have to wonder whether you can do better, the answer is yes. I am finally at a point where I understand that I can blow a guy off when he screws up. Because there are a million douchebag clones just like him I can go find in the unlikely event that I ever want him back.

At this point, I still want to be single… but I’d like to be single with standards.

You know what? I don’t want the penis that makes me forget I have a gag reflex or the one that hardly fits. I deserve a proper-sized one, damn-it. And a man who will rub my back and make me breakfast attached to it.

In this post, you found my first attempt at a blow-off. And boy, did that blow up. Not only did the guy call me after I bitched him out at 4:30am, he has called me at least five times. He has texted me asking to hang out, asking to let him apologize, asking for just a phone call. I have never had someone pursue me this persistently, and it is kind of freaking me out.

I told him that I have wasted enough time not being treated how I would like to be, and I am just not interested for that reason. He insists that he knows how to treat a lady (track record says otherwise), and is begging me to give him one dinner date to prove it.

So, my loyal readers, what should I do? Do I go on the date? It will surely involve excessive chivalry and a free fancy dinner, which I always enjoy. It would also make a pretty good blog post. Then again, this guy already struck out with me. Does douchebaggery deserve a second chance?

Help me here, folks. I’m torn.

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26 thoughts on “Men Who Suck: Do They Deserve a Second Chance?

  1. This is a tough one. Even if you give him a second chance, he’ll be on his best behavior and you’ll be tricked into thinking he’s like that all the time. But you KNOW he’s not! He’s already shown his true colors, and I don’t think he deserves another date with you.

  2. Ok. Perhaps I can give a bit of perspective.
    Some of us try not to suck. We do what we think is right only to be told otherwise. On that note, though, others’ idea of “right” is horribly wrong and they fuck it up for the rest of us…we know this, and it pisses us off to the nth degree leading to thoughts about bodily harm to the offenders. (To simplify, I will refer to those dumbasses as *they*, because I really *want* to not be associated with the almighty and perpetually retarded *they*)
    For the most part, some people are just different, damaged, or a little of both. We may not realize exactly how much we are different or damaged we are and, at least in my case, would hope that someone would at least let us know as tactfully as possible, that the shortcomings we broadcast are addressed before they are allowed to simmer a minute short of becoming a huge pot-exploding disaster. With that, though, some people are good with saying the right thing at the right time to make you belive that this will be “different” and that the past has forged them into a better person. Sometimes, this is the case…but more often than not, it isn’t…it’s just a smooth talker who is subtly changing tactics to get needs met. It’s not just men, either.
    Your words sound like the same as my STBX’s.(Not saying this in a bad way, mind you). I have failed her on treating her like she deserves, and I could go on and on about causality and “equal and opposite reaction”, but what it boils down to, is that I allowed myself to give in to anger instead of taking the difficult road of being the better person. Someone has to…but it is difficult when one person has a more defined idea of what they should be treated like…and it’s more difficult when the past hurts still linger fresh in one’s heart.
    Some of us are dumb, but we’re not all bad. We can sit and dwell on it and try to come to terms with it. If the choice is not to do anything…not to trust our gut…then recategorize us into *they* and move on.
    I digressed because I actually had a long discussion with the STBX and rambled while it was still fresh. My apologies.
    What to do? Hold firm to your expectations. It’s up to you if you go out with him, and I’d probably lay it all out – “this is what I want”. I *guarantee* that he will initially talk the talk, but if he doesn’t walk the walk, then there’s the door.—> it might suck, but it will make you feel more empowered and even a tad bit better. *They* are all over, and *they* are good at facades, but *they* will always fuck it us for us.
    (For the record: this guy impresses me not. Really? Didn’t move? WONDERFUL first impression, guy…)

    • Yeah, I hear you. I think some of the things I consider to be douche-y are things guys don’t know they are doing wrong. But this guy was just plain lazy, and now I feel like he just wants to date me to make himself feel like less of an ass, so I think I must abstain.

  3. McMademoiselle Likes says:

    What’s your gut feeling there?
    My opinion: he wants to get inside your pants again, but do you want to see the contents of his again?
    He acted like a douche last time, so I don’t think he has miraculously changed since then! (but it would make for such a great blog post…. I’m torn!)

  4. I would TOTALLY go out with him again. You aren’t marrying the guy, it’s a simple dinner date. Maybe he’s used to brainless women who could care less if he wakes up to say goodbye. Maybe he’s been trained by idiot women he’s dated in the past and finds the fact that you stood up to him and spoke your mind refreshing. Maybe he’s tired of such women and didn’t know it until you gave him a wake up call.

    Here’s what I would do. Go out with him 3 (yes three) more times with at least a week in between. Do. Not. Sleep. With. Him. Again. until the 4th date and ONLY if you’re positive that he’s not just playing with you to get in your pants.

    Since you’re not on the fast track to wanting to find a husband again anytime in the next t6 months, take your time, enjoy getting to know people. Men like sex (obviously) and if you’re willing to give it up the first night…what exactly do that have to work for?

    YOU have the power.

    May the force be with you. 😉

    • Yeah, the only thing holding me back is that I don’t think he truly wants to date me. He seemed pretty selfish, and I think he is just trying to make himself feel like less of a douche and get validation that he is a good guy :-/

      • Well, that certainly could be true too. It has to be bothering him though..his behavior that is. Otherwise, why call you? He doesn’t really know you, he got laid, so what’s the big deal? Curiosity would push me to go on the date with him just to see what he is going to say! LOL I’m kinda sick like that. 😉

  5. Androgoth says:

    No chance… Don’t even go there my friend
    once a creep always a creep is what I think…

    There are far better choices out there and you
    will more than likely meet the man of your dreams
    when you least expect it…

    Have fun though 🙂

    Androgoth

    • Haha, I hope there are far better ones out there! Lest I be doomed to eternal singledom.

      • Androgoth says:

        I am sure that you will find the right man and hopefully one with a bit more honour, someone that will not only look after you but make sure that you have everything that you could ever wish for in a man…

        Be well my friend and if you ever feel like journeying into the darker side of Spaces then do call into My Gothic Realm sometime, you are welcome…

        In the meantime enjoy your Friday evening and have a wonderful weekend also 🙂

        Androgoth

  6. Christiana says:

    Do it! He might surprise you. People make mistakes and deserve second chances, just not third and fourth.

  7. The guy is a total loser. This is what I suggest you do; One evening, mid-week, you find yourself bored and angry with life. This is an opportune moment to get in touch with loser face and tell him he can buy you dinner, if he wants. If he drops everything that’s a good sign, for this guy will be a good man slave. If he says no, well at least he will stop bygging you. Easy!

  8. singlenocats says:

    Do you REALLY think he’s a creep? If so, don’t you dare go out with him! If you think he has at least a few good qualities and could end up even being a good friend, I say go for it. You won’t know until you spend time with him again. Go with your gut, and you will be fine. 🙂 Good luck!

  9. Dogwood Guy says:

    Hello ladies, I am party bus guy and I would like the opportunity to defend not only myself but all good men who are pigeon holed so quickly by reflecting, jaded or otherwise insecure women.

    For starters, I’d like to correct the untruths in the story. I did not “beg” for her number that morning. She was ranting like a “crazy girl” (and I’m being nice when I say girl), which I’m not going to lie was a little amusing and I cut her off to say, “so can I have your number?” I thought it was pretty funny at the time. Then she proceeded to rant more to which I replied, “Are you going to give it to me or not?” And she obliged. No begging

    Now, I don’t think I did anything all that wrong in the first place but I did call as she said to apologize when I woke up that morning. While I don’t feel I did anything specifically wrong and she was being a little ridiculous, I do agree that even when girls are being irrational as men we should do our best to assist in making them feel better which I admittedly did not do. So I called once early and once later to which she replied saying she was busy. Then the following day I called her out on her being aloof and she responded with the whole, “I know how I want to be treated and that was not it.” Speech to which I responded “cool”. Literally, both of us agreed, no hard feelings. Moving on. Then I literally said to myself, “That’s kinda sad for a girl to be so quick to want to label a guy an “asshole” or a douche so easily.” She’s probably had bad luck with men. I’m going to try and take her out again, she needs to meet a good guy. So I messaged one more time saying that I feel bad because I think I gave her the wrong impression and that I would like to take her out to show her. All true by the way. That was it. No calling all day the next day, no begging, no calling at least 5 times since desperate for a date. Simple, I though we had fun. The sex WAS really good. I thought we could have a good time and it felt like she needed it. That’s all. The reason I say all of this is because I heard creepy thrown around with loser, douche ect. More the creepy thing though, had to set that straight, no stalking here.

    Ok, as to the actual “act” in question here. Let me get this straight ….

    After hanging out most of the night, I have her and her friends over to my place after to hang out with my buddy and I. The place gets trashed, a $100 bottle of wine is consumed among other things (just saying, not complaining) and after partying all night her ride leaves at roughly 4:00 AM with my friend. Then we hook up and pass out around 430ish. I am black out drunk, and going on 24 hours without sleep after just spending the last 30 to 45 minutes working out for all intensive purposes. And after FIFTEEN minutes I’m being poked and poked until woken. When I come to and realize she’s wants to leave (which if a guy did that, he would automatically be labeled a douche).
    Did I get upset? No. Was I rude? No. I calmly and sweetly, through my haze said, “I’m sorry, we took a cab here. Remember. I don’t have transportation. You should stay… but if you have to go you’ll have to call a cab because my car is downtown.” This was my one true mistake. I should have called the cab for her I admit. But in my defense, I was borderline comatose and it would seem to me that under the circumstances a “successful” 24 year old woman can manage the super difficult task of calling yellow cab. Either way, she seemed to get it and took it in stride so I passed back out.
    Then she’s poking me again … “what’s the number?” she asks. Seriously!? What’s the number!? That’s a ridiculous question. “I don’t know, google it.” Which I was being a little rude at this point but come on, these are not difficult tasks here. So she scoffs and again and again I say, “You’re welcome to stay.” as sweet as I know possible. “No?” Ok, pass out again. That’s how tired and drunk I was, passing out was instantaneous. And …… you guessed it, she’s what? Oh yeah, she’s poking me again. “Where are my clothes?” this time. Is it just me or are these head scratchers? “I don’t know, try the foot of the bed or surrounding areas.” Now I find myself to be a gentleman but I did not know that it was the mans duty to hand a lady her clothes when she’s taking off in the middle of the night. Maybe you girls can help me with this one. Anyways, so finally after a lot of hard work and determination, a cab has been called and she’s dressed. So, she’s in the middle of calling me an asshole as she leaves and despite all of this irrational behavior. I ask her for her number and say I would like to see her again. She rants more, I asked her one more time. She gave it to me. The rest, you know. I woke up a few hours later feeling like I should apologize to her anyways because I am that nice and the rest is what it is.

    So to recap.

    She fucks me and leaves in the middle of the night
    Then she blogs about me without telling me. And while she didn’t use my name, how many successful 29 year old party bus owners are there in this town? And who go out in the same places I met her … Anyone who read this and knows me, knows who this is about. Not cool.

    And for what? Because I didn’t call a cab for a “successful” 24 year old woman?
    Then I call her and try to take her out anyways, and she blogs about it again…. Calling me a douche among other things. …..

    If I did everything she did. She could blog about that and you all would think I was the biggest asshole of all time. But then again, if the shoe fits…..

    And where did the whole “loser” thing come from? Or is that just what jaded girls say to make them feel better? I’m 29, own 2 companies, live on one of the most famous streets in the world in one of the greatest cities in the world. I answer to no one, set my own schedule, have THE GREATEST group of friends and family anyone could ever ask for and am a generally good person. I don’t know, I think I’d say I’m kind’v winning at life. And I was actually interested in taking “blogger girl” out again but this time she fucked it up by being so quick to judge or write off because of your own issues. I’m sorry about the whole shitty guy thing, but one bad guy doesn’t ruin the batch believe it or not. Hope the next guy gets more of a chance. And that is really the point of this. I feel like I talk to too many of my girlfriends who think that every guy is an asshole when it’s just not true. Try giving that guy a chance next time. If it’s a bad date at least it’s a good story and he just might surprise you. And sober sex comes from seeing the same guy more than once. Maybe I’m not the first guy to be falsely labeled…. You might want to give 20 minutes late guy another crack, Jesus he was a little late it’s not a job interview. The non payer can kick the curb though, no excuse.

    Lastly, when I told my guy friends about it. They were so angry about the blog that they wanted me to get blogger to meet me out and stand her up. Which I couldn’t do. There are always two sides to every story and those who have heard mine think that blogger is in the wrong but who cares really, I’m only writing this to defend myself and hopefully help out the next guy.

    Oh, sorry … last thing I promise. My friend who was with her friend that night is totally into her and still hanging out. Not a douche either. Thanks for listening

    For the blogger girl only, I would appreciate it if you took out the whole “party bus thing”. It’s really easy to know who you’re talking about for anyone who knows or meets me and reads this. I’d like to keep the general public from knowing about my one nighters however non one nighters I originally intended them. Thanks and good luck

  10. […] Yep. That’s what happened. The guy from this post and this post. […]

  11. postmod says:

    I’ve always been pretty fast to come up with explanations/excuses for other people’s bad behaviour. I was raised to give people “the benefit of the doubt”.

    But at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. Even if their excuse is as good as the one I imagined for them (and it probably isn’t) their behaviour still sucks and I don’t like the way it makes me feel. I owe my gut the benefit of the doubt before owing it to him.

    Especially when you first start dating. If this is how they act when trying to make a good impression… doesn’t bode well.

  12. zkhei says:

    You should give it another shot honey. There’s no harm in going on another date. I believe in second chances 🙂 but no more than that haha. Now that he knows you were unimpressed he should make sure that the second date is amazing. If not, move on!

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