Brains for Boobs: A Fair Trade?

Buckle your seat belts (or maybe your bras), because some highly disturbing new poll results have hit the streets.

A recent British study shows that if given the choice between brains or boobs, an astounding 41% of women go for the gazongas.

A third of women would even go so far as to trade their IQ points for larger breasts, to which I say: “Please reconsider. It is women like you who need all the IQ points they can get.”

Over half of women felt that men would be more romantically attracted to a better-endowed version of themselves, while roughly a quarter claimed that larger breasts would make them intrinsically happier. Because it’s widely known that extra pillows of fat bring women such joy.

Let me tell you something about boobs, ladies. Take it from a 32E: life in the fun-bag lane is a hell of a lot less amusing than the name suggests.

Before you think about putting your IQ up for auction on the cup-size market, consider the following.

Yes, bigger-breasted women may get more attention at bars. However, upon closer inspection, you will find that the attention-givers tend to ressemble either child abductors or the host of Tales from the Crypt.

Yes, bigger breasted women can fill out clothes. They also pop out of those clothes and get confused with prostitutes for sporting a normal tank top. In addition, they must special-order very expensive bras and bathing suits with 3-4 complicated hooks from a plus-sized catalog. How’s that for a confidence-booster?

Yes, bigger breasted women get attention at the gym. But working out also becomes awkwardly sexual. I hired a personal trainer right before my wedding, and he tried to make me jump-rope in the middle of the gym. Still uncertain whether my flailing breasts or my screaming refusal to do a second set was more awkward.

images from two beans or not two beans

Yes, big breasts imply fertility. They also imply a hell of a lot of back pain and unsightly sagging at a young age.

from someecards

Women of the world, I implore you. Think long and hard before deciding if larger breasts are the real key to your happiness.

Because it seems to me Victoria’s real secrets are the boatload of back pain she is hiding and her droves of pedophiliac stalkers.

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37 thoughts on “Brains for Boobs: A Fair Trade?

  1. Vina Kent says:

    Thank you for posting this… small boobies here… While I would like to have them a tad bit bigger cause my hubby seems to enjoy them more… I also know how to make them look like more then they are and that satisfies him, which in turn satisfies me 😀 I would much rather take the brains anyday!

  2. Vina Kent says:

    Reblogged this on and commented:
    This I just had to post! What’s your opinion?

  3. Angela says:

    I completely agree. I actually have DD breasts, and while I know about the “grass is always greener thing,” it still kills me to hear women that have smaller breasts complain. They have no idea lol.

  4. PostModernSingle says:

    “It is women like you who need all the IQ points they can get.” – They probably do have boobs for brains.

    It would be interesting to see if there is a correlation between the women who would choose the big breasts and their IQ. I’d propose a follow up study:

    Women who have neither high IQ nor big breasts: which do you want more?
    Women who have high IQ but small breasts: would you trade your IQ for breasts?
    Women who have low IQ but big breasts: would you trade your breasts for IQ?
    Women who have both high IQ and big breasts: which do you appreciate more?

  5. Claire Lopez says:

    I can relate! I’d trade my bodacious tatas for more brains in a second!

  6. Mandytownz says:

    RFTL, I love this post. I vow to use gazongas at least three times today…preferably when inappropriate. Love you! -A

  7. PostModernSingle says:

    PS. The shock absorber bounce-o-metre website will do a good job of convincing you that big gazongas and exercise are a painful and unsightly combo (and that you really should invest in a good sportsbra)

    http://www.shockabsorber.co.uk/bounceometer/shock.html

  8. ivinseleanor says:

    Great post. I put a post with your link on http://wrinklequest.blogspot.com
    Thank you for sharing your point of view:-)

  9. Darci Bodin says:

    I want a reduction (38DD back to a C) and my husband said “Why would you want to unneccessary surgery” — well let’s talk about him putting my $75-80 bras in the dryer, back aches, stares from creepy people, etc.

    • Seriously, people don’t understand that our bras cost 3x as much AND wear out quicker from all of the “supporting” they have to do. Oh, what it would be like to just be a normal D.

  10. brains says:

    going with the silly and irrelevant concept being able to choose, i find B the most visually attractive.

    is there a similar poll/pole for men and penis size?

    brains are far sexier than gazongas.

  11. This made me laugh so hard! Your thing about “Victoria’s real secret” struck me as ironic because, as I’m sure you noticed… they don’t seem to have the “sexy” bras in sizes bigger than a D cup.

  12. Jared says:

    Those stats are ridiculously mind-blowing. I’m kind of hoping that study was conducted on Rodeo out in Hollywoodland. *SMH* Boobs are boobs, ladies… and I’ll take a woman who looks like Steven Hawking if she can battle wits with him.

  13. ratiomale says:

    oh RFTL, you know I love you, but I also love fun bags!

    (Not enough to sacrifice intelligence for though…)

  14. Kate says:

    The breasteses are annoying, and I have very small ones! There’s just about nothing there one could trade for anything, but I’d be willing to go completely flat if I could get a few more IQ points.

    I’m still staring at those stats. 41%. REALLY?!

  15. nikkiana says:

    I’d rather have smarts than big boobs… but thankfully I already have both so it’s not really an issue. 😉

  16. lnmwonderfulworld says:

    Loved your post!
    Women complain about being mistreated and misunderstood, but really we are sometimes our own worst enemies. You can always get breast implants, you can’t get an intelligence implant. Being a B cup all my life, I’m glad i’ve got small ones. I’m over 50 and they don’t sag!
    Ellen
    unexpecteddestinations.com

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