How-to: Idiot-Proof Your Red Lipstick

To me, red lips are the ultimate in classic glamour. When I think of myself with them, I usually envision finger waves in my hair, a martini in my hand, and a well-dressed gentleman sending me another round from across the bar. A day which I will continue to look forward to and creepily linger in bars waiting for.

In addition to its timeless sex appeal, red lipstick is a fabulous tool for boy scouting. It beckons the single man, while warding off the cheater who will worry about it lingering on his lying little face. Doesn’t that just make you want to send a complimentary gift basket of red lipstick to every little home wrecker out there?

Yes, red lipstick is the ultimate sex-me-now for the single life, but it is not for the faint of heart. Nor does it compliment the acne-ridden thirteen-year-old, particularly rosaceous, or those plagued with extremely-bland-personality-disorder. Should you fall into one or more of those categories, not even the following tricks can help you. Maybe go find a post on curing those problems and get back to me.

To master the art of wearing red lipstick without looking like an idiot, you must prepare yourself with the proper tools. A good quality lipstick is key (I like Chanel Rivoli from the Coco Rouge collection). You must also have some sort of primer/foundation, red lipliner in a similar shade to your lipstick, light or clear gloss, q-tips, and make-up remover.

First, prime your lips with some kind of nude-colored substance. My lips never go completely nude, but this is a lot less color than they normally have. Using the primer will give you a clean canvas to work on and help everything last longer. Except maybe your male companion – I make no promises on that.

Next, use the lipliner to line your lips. Once you’re done, fill both entire lips with the liner. It should look like you have a light red lipstick on.

The lipliner always stays on longer than the lipstick, so in an emergency where you can’t reapply post-lunch or coffee, this will ensure that you don’t walk around looking like a child drew lips on your face.

Finally, go over the liner with your lipstick and a gloss for finish.

Tips for inevitable damage control:

Never underestimate the power of a dry q-tip. This is your first, and hopefully only, line of defense.

Should the dry q-tip fail you, moisten it with a tiny bit of make-up remover. Under no circumstances wet the q-tip. That will end with you looking like a vampiress who just ate dinner.

Good luck out there, little vixens. Wear your red lipstick with pride, and should you see a cheater, be sure to get it on his shirt as he walks by.

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8 thoughts on “How-to: Idiot-Proof Your Red Lipstick

  1. Jared says:

    Yeah, I “Liked” it, only because… if I ever decide to try out lipstick someday, this will be my reference point.

  2. Meg says:

    Completely agree that red lipstick is awesome — I feel powerful and fearless when I’m rocking it! Of course, I drink way too much Diet Coke at work (and hate the inevitable lipstick ring on the can lid) to wear it daily . . . but when I’m out and about? Oh yeah. Definitely going to try your tips in the future — I do typically do the lipliner trick, but haven’t prepped before.

  3. brains says:

    even in a light blurb about applying liptstick, you still manage to inject humor.

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