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An article by Jessica Redfield, victim of today’s fatal Dark Knight shooting in Colorado, about narrowly avoiding another fatal shooting. The last three paragraphs are chilling, but at the same time, it’s a little comforting to know she really cherished each of her final moments.

A Run On of Thoughts

I can’t get this odd feeling out of my chest. This empty, almost sickening feeling won’t go away. I noticed this feeling when I was in the Eaton Center in Toronto just seconds before someone opened fire in the food court. An odd feeling which led me to go outside and unknowingly out of harm‘s way. It’s hard for me to wrap my mind around how a weird feeling saved me from being in the middle of a deadly shooting.

What started off as a trip to the mall to get sushi and shop, ended up as a day that has forever changed my life. I was on a mission to eat sushi that day, and when I’m on a mission, nothing will deter me. When I arrived at the Eaton Center mall, I walked down to the food court and spotted a sushi restaurant. Instead of walking in, sitting…

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Damn You, WordPress.Org

Read this or you may not receive your RFTL updates anymore!

Okay, kiddos. Here’s the deal. I made the switch to and used the “5 minute” (read: 5 hour) installation.

Now, I don’t know if I can transfer all of you lovely followers to the new and improved site (still In fact, from the angry forums I’m seeing, I’m fairly certain that I can’t.

So now, you have to visit the new site and re-follow if you like me. And I hope that you do, because I like you a lot.

Please don’t leave me. I already feel lonely over at Promise you’ll follow? Promise? Don’t make me cry.

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SXSW: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Many of you may wonder what kind of horrible disease I must have caught that caused me to take a 2-day hiatus from blogging. After all, what do I even have to do other than write commentary on desserts and breast size?

Well, this week has been particularly busy. Droves of tech nerds, musicians, and hipsters have invaded my fine city to take part in the epic adventure that is SXSW. And I am in people-watching heaven.

Here is a brief summary of my adventures thus far:

The Good

SXSW means many things to many people. To me, it means free everything. My friends and I were awarded these lovely passes for having breasts. Did we take offense to this? No, we took a lovely evening of open bar, free sushi, and a live show by Jimmy Cliff instead. Thanks, creepy man with a cigar for your generosity.

Not all of the parties were quite as high-class, so we switched to some good old fashioned Texas beer when the champagne selection came from a box.

The Bad

Last night was sadly the low-light of my SXSW spree. Not because of the place or people, just because I was feeling down. It began with this bag of wine and ended with a very grumpy version of me whining until I passed out in the car.

One poor soul tried to approach me and make a connection. He asked if my eyelashes were real. When that shockingly incited no conversation, he incorrectly guessed what type of cellphone I was using to try and impress me. Then, he mostly stood there and stared like a drunken zombie.

Thank you for your inquiry, sir, but I am currently not accepting applicants with IQs under 60. Should my intelligence requirement be lifted, we will be in touch. But don’t hold your breath. I also bite. Not in a sexy way.

The Ugly

The people-watching at SXSW is incomparable. I want to rip some of the outfits off of the women and run away with them until I reach my closet, which I hear is the next craze in how to shop.

Other outfits are not only less desirable, but down right vom-worthy.

Exhibit A

Home girl needs some Stacy & Clinton in her life. Or at the very least a different pair of socks.

Exhibit B

What kills me is that I actually like her shirt. Just not awkwardly layered, and with neon bra straps a’ blazing. But the shoes leave me speechless – are they rain boots? wedges? cowboy boots? I’ll just call them “ugly.”

I have nothing more to say about this photo. So in summation…. SXSW is great. I cannot say the same for all of the wardrobe selections.

And here is my fake smile.

As one of my friends always signs off… kisses and blow jobs. (think about it. xoxo?)

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Things That Take Priority Over Work

On this first workday of daylight savings, I have found it rather difficult to concentrate.

Today was my first day in a new cube, so I spent most of the morning moving my tiny green Buddha around the desk and pretending to unpack all of my other worldly trinkets.  This took certain priority over my email queue, as I don’t want to know what would happen if mini Buddha didn’t enjoy his new view.

Before actually working, I needed to complete a few other critical tasks, such as:

  • Staring at the fog.
  • Watering my dead plants.
  • Creating fake email addresses and subscribing them to my blog.
    Just kidding.
    But only kind of.
  • Checking my Grandfather’s Facebook page to see if he has any new friends.
  • Combing Henry’s hair.
  • Plugging in the tiny anime-looking figurine on my desk (it’s just not as exciting when he doesn’t light up).
  • Watching Bon Qui Qui for the hundred millionth time.
  • Plotting RFTL world domination.
  • Writing this post.

Obviously, this list is too short. Please help to boost my productivity and contribute some worthy ideas.

Best one wins a picture of food that I made and probably ate by myself. Because that’s really the only thing I have to contribute to society.

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Everybody Wants to be Loved

Let’s start with the facts: I’ve been a procrastinating, ungrateful bitch. I got nominated for the Versatile Blogger award (twice!) and the Liebster Blog award (twice!) and proceeded to sit on my ass blogging about the teddy bear my mom sent me for Valentine’s Day instead of accepting & sharing these lovely awards.

I am ready to stop being selfish (at least on this matter – let’s not get crazy), and finally pass the love on to some bloggers who I very much enjoy, and I think you will, too.

I would like to begin by thanking my loyal nominators: Gluten-Free Zen and Life in the Farce Lane for the Versatile Blogger Award, and Baker Bettie and The Year of Wonderful Weekends for the Liebster.

THANK YOU GUYS! You will be rewarded with large goodie bags and small ponies very soon. Unless of course they get lost in the mail, which is totally not my fault. Just so you know.

There are a lot of rules for these, which I am reluctant to follow, but I will. Don’t get used to it, this is a special occasion.

First I have to tell you guys seven things about myself, as if you don’t already know way too much about my personal life.

  1. I got married on March 5, 2011. Remember that date because I expect you all to send flowers and sympathy cards.
  2. I’m afraid of birds. They are creepy and dirty and disgusting.
  3. I have asthma. Not really anymore, but I can tell you that nobody wanted me on their laser tag team during my childhood.
  4. My ex-husband was my first boyfriend. In a related story, I am an idiot.
  5. I am getting a new camera in March. Everyone get excited for the new and improved food porn.
  6. I have a creepy doll. I used to sleep with her when I was little, but now she sits in my closet just in case I need to scare someone off quickly.
  7. I always wanted to be a writer. I even made my parents buy me a typewriter when I was seven because I thought it was more official.

Now for the good part: I get to nominate other blogs who have likely already been nominated because I took so long responding. I’m not going to nominate my nominators.  Not because I don’t love them, but because that would be cyclical and pointless. The blogs I nominate can take one or both awards. Whatever tickles their fancy.

These are just some of my favorite blogs to read. Enjoy them, love them, but don’t go getting too attached. You still need to read my blog, too. I’m very fragile and I need the love and attention.

People who are funnier than I am:
Life in the Boomer Lane recently discovered through Freshly Pressed.
Thoughts Appear hooked me on a rant about cookie dough.
Girl on the Contrary is already pretty widely known, but hilarious nonetheless.
A Confederacy of Spinsters is made up of three girls who I think would be my friends in real life. Our blogs are equally offensive, which makes me love them.
Adamsdaughter sometimes makes me pee my pants a little at work.
Snarky Snatch: maybe don’t read it at work. Or in front of children. But read it.

People who take better pictures of food than I do:
Movita Beaucoup is always drool-worthy.
Love + Cupcakes has got some great food porn sprinkled in. Like chocolate dipped potato chips.
Sweet Pea’s Kitchen has some super awesome desserts.
Fork and Beans: just found this one. What pretty pictures.

Thanks, everyone!

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