Tag Archives: peanut butter

Cream Cheese & Jalapeno Thumbprint Cookies

For the thousandth time, you think I am crazy.

And for the thousandth time, I say to you: “Yes. I though we went over this already?”

Submitted for the approval of the midnight snack society, I present to you the product of last night’s impulse purchases at Whole Foods: peanut butter thumbprint cookies with cream cheese and jalapeno jelly.  These cookies join the ranks of Rosemary Lemon Cookies with Olive Oil Glaze, Chocolate Dipped Potato Chips, and Strawberry Ricotta Cheesecake with Balsamic Drizzle in my slightly deranged collection of not-so-sweets.

There is method to my madness, people. Let’s take a moment for some arithmetic:

Peanuts + Spicy = Delicious. Think Pad Thai.
Cream Cheese + Spicy = Delicious. Have you ever eaten one of those cheese blocks smothered in jalapeno jelly? You should.
Peanut Butter + Cream Cheese = Delicious. Was this ever in question?

So, if A+B, B+C, and A+C all equal delicious…. we must be on to something exponentially better.

Eat your heart out, Giada. I’m coming for you and your perfect hair and your beach house, too.

I wish I could find a way to make these cookies prettier, but jalapeno jelly wasn’t really made for food styling. They are kind of like the ugly duckling children that you almost love more because you feel sorry for them.

In a related story – God, I hope my kids are pretty.

Here is my version of the recipe, using a modified version of Sunny Anderson’s thumbprint cookie as the base:


  • 1 stick unsalted butter (1/2 cup), room temperature
  • 1/2 cup peanut butter
  • 1/2 cup light brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup granulated sugar
  • 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1 egg, beaten
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • Sugar for rolling (optional)
  • 1 package cream cheese
  • 1 jar jalapeno jelly


Heat the oven to 350 degrees F.

In a stand mixer with the paddle attachment, add the butter, peanut butter, brown sugar, and granulated sugar and blend all ingredients on medium-high until creamy. Turn off the mixer and use a rubber spatula to scrape the sides of the bowl, pushing everything back towards the center. Then add the vanilla, egg, and salt and blend until combined. Lower the speed of the mixer and add the flour in 1/2 cup intervals. Between each addition be sure to completely blend in all the flour and scrape the sides again as before.

Using a tablespoon, scoop out the dough and roll into a ball between your hands. Then roll the formed ball in the sugar (if using) and place on a parchment-lined baking sheet. Repeat for the rest of the balls, making sure to separate them on the sheet by about 1-inch.

Once all the balls are on the baking sheet, make an indentation in the center of each using the rounded end of a wooden spoon, the back of a rounded teaspoon, or your good old fashioned thumb. Bake for about 9 minutes and remove to a wire rack.

Fill each with 1/4 tsp cream cheese and 1/4 tsp jelly.

Eat in large quantities before and after dinner. Or at work. Or in your car. Or while reading my blog. This is a judgment-free zone, people.

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Kid-Friendly Valentine Snacks

When people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always had the same, immediate answer: “I WANNA BE A MOM!”

Though being a mom is (hopefully) not in the cards for me over the next few years, I am enamored by children. Yes, the inappropriate, sex-toy-blogging lady loves kids. Why is that so hard to believe?

To pump the brakes on my burning uterus, I volunteered myself for an amazing opportunity to teach kids how to cook with healthy, sustainable ingredients. I am conducting an activity station for any little guys who want to join me this weekend, where I will be helping them to make these delicious, nutritious snacks. If it was up to me, I’d add chocolate chips, too (but some of these moms be crazy and might hunt me down if I feel their children chocolate).

I feel like this is going to prepare me for motherhood. I am totally going to be the mom who sneaks nutrition into her children, and possibly dresses them as tiny gangsters on their first Halloween. They make gold chains in baby size, right?

Here is the recipe for these super simple, kid-friendly snacks that are perfect for V-day! (Serves 2-3 kids for a snack)

3 Tbsp nut butter (I used almond)
2 tsp honey (omit if making for very small children)
4 tsp nonfat dry milk
1/4 tsp ground cinnamon
4 tsp 100% apple juice
2 Tbsp dried cherries
5 tsp rolled oats
4 tsp wheat germ
4 tsp shredded coconut, dyed pink and red

Mix nut butter and honey (if using) thoroughly. Add dry milk and mix. Add cinnamon, apple juice, cherries, oats, and wheat germ and mix. Form into small balls with hands. Roll in coconut. Refrigerate & enjoy!

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Culinary Therapy: Boy-blues-curing Chocopeanutpretzel Clusters

So tonight was date #3 for me and the man whom I fondly refer to as my “back alley way lover” (BAWL for short). Why such a name? Because we made out in the alley way behind a bar the first night we met. That’s right, ladies. I keep it classy.

Now, BAWL has a bit of a track record to come back from. The first date went exceptionally well, but was followed by an underwhelming sequel. I noticed he has a lot of very unattractive qualities, such as: letting me pay on the second date even though he drives a Porsche, not walking me to my car, and a general aversion to opening up or discussing anything meaningful.

So why did I give BAWL another chance? Let’s be real- it’s because he is extremely good-looking. If I had a penis, it would lead my decisions right now, but there isn’t really an equivalent expression for women so that just sounds awkward. In any case, tonight was make or break.

I promised myself I would tell BAWL the big “I was married two months ago” thing to see how he reacted, almost as a test. Unfortunately, there was no good time to put it in there. I ended up blurting it out very awkwardly, after which he nearly chugged the rest of the wine. Then, surprisingly, he told me it was no big deal at all. He truly acted like it wasn’t the rest of the night, which actually made me feel weirder. The date ended with some nice kisses, but I don’t think I will be going out with him again.

Disheartened, I did what any rational girl would do right after a disappointing date: bought two pairs of shoes. Straight after that, I came home to a house of unappealing Thanksgiving leftovers and a craving for something sweet.

In these trying times of depression and divorce, my cabinets have never been more barren. The caramel, the cookies, the ice cream sandwiches- all gone. In the midst of this, I pressed on. Three ingredients stood out as clear front runners for my snack attack:

Okay. Pretzels, peanut butter, chocolate. Nothing you do with these can be wrong. Personally, I chose a puppy-chow-esque route. Here is how it turned out:

Here is the approximate recipe I used to make this. It is simple, quick, and will cure most dating blues when supplemented by $140 worth of shoes. Now if you’ll excuse me, I am ready for my alone time with these little clusters of goodness and my couch. This is one date that won’t let me down.

Boy-blues-curing Chocopeanutpretzel Clusters

1 c. pretzel, broken into pieces
¼ c. peanut butter
⅓ c. melted chocolate
¼ c. chopped almonds
Powdered sugar to taste

Mix together pretzels, PB, chocolate, and almonds. Put mixture into plastic bag and add powdered sugar, a handful at a time, closing and shaking the bag with each addition. Stop when pieces are sugar-coated and delicious. Eat in abundance.

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